I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
