you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
