and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I am never drinking with the goths again.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
