apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
We talked him into tasing himself.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
