I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
