i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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