Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
