It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
As shirtless as possible
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
