that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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