they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize