He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
