Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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