His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
