I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
