This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
