If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Where is the hickey?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
