I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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