yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
