Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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