If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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