There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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