Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
