Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize