Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
