you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
