We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
