just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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