I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
