she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
