Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
