I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
