Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
what day is it and did you see me today?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize