Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
