Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
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