thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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