That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
