it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
