I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
