im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
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