the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
