I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
