His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
