I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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