Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
