....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
FUCK WHALES
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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