I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
