Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
