don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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