God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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