my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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