hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
