ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
