I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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