Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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