I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
