You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
my nose is crying tears of wow.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
