it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize