what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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