Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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