Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just got carded by a ten year old.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
