so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
