Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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