You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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