FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
