i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
