You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize