Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
