This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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